Spiritual Balance – Week 41: Come Back to Yourself

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Who is the most important person in your life? It’s you. It has to be you!

You might be as altruistic as you may, you always have to take care of yourself first. “Put on your own oxygen mask first.”

Make time to meet yourself. Plan in me-time. Experiment and find the best way to connect with yourself.

Take time for yourself

There is no way you can take care of yourself if you don’t slow down every now and then and make time for it. Embrace the downtimes and slow down. We grow from stress and relieve, not from constant stress.

Come back to yourself

Not every method works for every person the same.

What is the best way for you to get back in touch with yourself? Experiment with different methods and find out what works best for you.

  • Mindfulness – Spend a few minutes with mindfulness, giving your attention to every single detail of a given experience, as mundane as eating a piece of fruit.
  • Walk outside – Go out side for a walk in nature and experience all the sights, sounds and smells that present themselves.
  • Meditate – Do some meditation, Yoga or Tai Chi. Listen to your breath. Watch your thoughts come, and then send them away again onto their journey.

Embrace the Yin and Yang. Most times of the day we are high-powered and push through our days, completely externally focused. Balance that external orientation with deliberate me-time. Experiment what works for you.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Spiritual Balance – Week 40: Simplify and Declutter

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We already talked about focusing on your priorities, cleaning up your calendar and inbox and decluttering your workspace. Let’s now take a broader stab at simplification and decluttering.

Simplify and declutter. Do it quick and radically, it will develop inertia. Don’t limit decluttering to your physical space, do it everywhere. Don’t fill up the empty space with new stuff.

Simplification helps you be you more relaxed, in the moment and happier because you are distracted by fewer things. There’s less stuff to maintain or to worry about. Further, clean space allows your mind wander freely and come up with new ideas, while stuff distracts and captures it (often with all the things you still have to do, like dusting those vases…).

Simplify and declutter radically

Simplification and decluttering (i.e. the art of getting rid of things you don’t really need) gains momentum as you are doing it. It has a strong inertia in either direction.

It’s pretty hard to get started. Off the top of your head, you seem to need all the things you have – why else would you have bought them in the first place?

However, push through it. Once you identified a few things that you don’t need anymore, or never truly enjoyed having in the frist place, things will get easier. As you get rid of things, you will feel a relief and that will propel you to get rid of more things that you don’t really need or want anymore.

Be willing to cut deep and cut fast. Putting one thing away a week will not give you that momentum and positive feedback. Instead take a weekend afternoon and make it a goal to fill a whole moving box (or two if you are an ambitious person). Don’t fret over decisions, if you don’t want to fight for an object, you are probably ready to let go.

Cut your losses

There’s a rule in investing that applies here as well:

“Don’t throw good money after bad money.”

What that means is that you should not add additional money to a sub par investment only because you hope that it will get better in the future. While that stock that went down for a year is really cheap now, chances are that the trend will continue and you will lose a lot of money.

Likewise, if you have bought something in the past that seems like a less stellar idea today, don’t get stuck in that ‘investment’. It might have been a good idea back then, but if it is not anymore, then say goodbye. Don’t throw ‘good money’ (your time, energy and mental capacity) after ‘bad money’ (something you don’t care about anymore).

If you have separation anxiety, don’t throw things away or donate them right away. Put them in a box. Once you didn’t touch that box for three months, bring it to a local charity for donation.

It’s ok to have bought something that doesn’t fit your life anymore. Cut your losses.

One area at a time

Attack one area of simplification at a time. Don’t let yourself get distracted as you hop from area to area.

If you want to declutter your living room, don’t get distracted as you bring stuff out through the garage. Pick one area or room at a time and tune out everything else. As always: focusing wins the day!

Decluttering and simplification is not only about stuff. The space you live in has a big part, but clutter and complexity is everywhere. Address all those spaces:

  • Spaces – your home and living spaces, your yard, your office and work spaces, you storage (how much of that stuff do you really need),…
  • Obligations – emails, calendar, volunteering, promises to ‘friends’, events,…
  • Digital – websites, news, games, (phone) apps,…
  • Relationships – friends that don’t lift you up, connections that drag you down, negative people, ‘friends’ on social networks,…

Don’t fill up the empty space

Of course, once you have decluttered an area, don’t fill up the empty space with new stuff. Keep the emptiness and enjoy it.

A clean empty space is not an invitation to bring in lots of new stuff (new clutter).

Cherish it, protect it, feel really bad for anything that contaminates it. Regard anything that move into that space as an intruder who needs to fight for its right to be there.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Spiritual Balance – Week 39: Buy Fewer Things But Things That You Really Like

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No, I’m not a monk. I possess things and I take pleasure from working with and using tools and gadgets that I really care about.

Have fewer things, but things that you really value.

What I learned and changed over time is to have fewer things, but things that I value.

When I was a boy my dad always told me to spend my money for fewer things that are higher quality and will last and give me pleasure longer. As in so many cases, I should have listened to him closer. It took me many years to re-learn the same lesson on my own.

How many different jackets do you really need versus having a few that you want to wear every day? Do you need all those different gadgets versus a phone and tablet that you really like? How many different shoes do you need to own? How much silverware do you need? How much stuff to decorate your home? How many stuffed animals? How big does your house have to be? How many cars do you really need? What are you going to do with that bigger property?

The more stuff you have, the more your mind and life get cluttered. Also, the more stuff you have, the more time, energy and money you will need to manage and maintain that stuff. The more stuff you have, the more of your time you will spend with the things that you don’t like as much or feel guilty that you don’t, and the less time you will spend with the things that give you joy.

I developed a process to deal with shopping urges. When I get excited about a new gadget, I will read all about it and then put it on my Amazon wish list. That’s already half of the gratification with nothing spent so far. I will have it sit on that wish list for a while and only if I still think after a few weeks that I really need that gadget I will buy it. In most cases, I end up deleting it from my list.

You don’t need to become a monk. However, do focus on fewer things that give you real joy. Rather spend more money on fewer high quality things that you love dearly, than the same amount on a lot of stuff that you don’t care about much.

Even better, invest in things that help you create experiences rather than things that sit on your shelf.

Also remember, that many things that create experiences can be rented rather than bought. It takes a lot of boat trips to warrant the purchase of a motor boat.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Spiritual Balance – Week 38: Focus on Experiences, Not Stuff

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We’re living in the age of consumerism, in which most people see the purpose of their lives in accumulating stuff. However, instead of gathering stuff, following the latest marketing fad or competing with your neighbors, you should invest in experiences.

Invest in experiences, not stuff. Plan for experiences and then make it a point to follow-through on them. If you are too tired when it’s go-time, do them anyway.

Most stuff won’t make you happy beyond the rush of the purchase. In many cases, it’s even worse, with buyer’s remorse kicking in just a few hours later. The gadget that you so badly needed often ends up sitting in a drawer after just a few uses.

Instead invest in experiences. Preferably experiences that are shared with friends and family. Experiences create memories and memories stay with you forever.

You can always come back to memories to pick you up when you’re down. Looking at last year’s cool gadget won’t have the same effect.

The additional benefit of investing in experiences is also that the positive effect is not limited to the time when you actually have the experience.

The three phases of an experience

We enjoy the planning of an experience that we are looking forward to. We can derive fun from the excitement weeks and months before we even take off. I usually plan summer vacations in the dark months of winter. It feels good to think about upcoming adventures and helps to pass rainy days.

The actual experience is of course the fun part. At times it can be challenging and exhausting as well, but that’s ok. The more challenging an experience is and the more it pushes us to the limits of our comfort zone, the more memorable and positive it usually is. You only value something if you had to work hard for it.

The last part of an experience stays with you forever – your memories. You can relive an experience as often as you want. No one can take it away from you. You can look back at pictures, recount stories with your partners in crime, make a photo book or plan to repeat the experience at some time in the future.

Do it anyway

One last advice on experiences, from the book ‘Off the Clock’ by Laura Vanderkam: even if you’re tired and just want to sit on the couch when the time to venture off on your experience comes – do it anyway.

“Plan it in. Do it anyway.” from ‘Off the clock’ by Laura Vanderkam

While we get excited planning for an experience, once the day approaches we are often so worn down and tired that we just want to plop down and turn on the TV. Resist the urge! Go anyway. Get yourself over the hump, it will be worth it!

Plan for your experience and when it’s time to get going, go. No matter what. Plan it in. Do it anyway! You will be glad you did it.

Invest in buying time, experiences and life memories. Preferably shared with loved ones. Leave your kids with memories and experiences, not stuff that they will need to throw away later.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.