Spiritual Balance – Week 33: Accept your Worries and Then Take Action

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We all have our personal level of being worried, it actually doesn’t change much with external circumstances. Some people are just happy-go-lucky, while others tend to constantly mull in the past and worry about the future.

Accept your worries. Then take action!

External events might push us up or down for a while, but surprisingly we all bounce back to our personal levels, no matter how dramatic an event happened to be. A death of a loved one is devastating, but usually people move back to their previous happiness level after a while. Winning the lottery is thrilling, but the glamor fades aways quickly – as does the money in most cases.

Take action

Accept and embrace your personal level of worries. It is just what it is. Work with your worries, embrace them and take them as signals for things you can either improve in your current environment or at least mitigate.

However, don’t day-dream and hope that all your worries will be magically solved if only that specific one thing would change (e.g. you get that promotion, you move to that new place, you quit that job,…).

Your worries will not change because of external events. They will only change because of actions YOU take or mindset changes YOU make.

Fix your problems here and now and take them as opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t hope for that external change, that will make everything magically better.

Hope is a bad strategy.

Be in the here and now

Most times, taking action is the right approach, but sometimes you also need to change your perspective.

Mindfulness is a proven way to reduce your worries and increase your overall happiness. Observe the small things, like the taste and heat of the cup of coffee you hold in your hands. Enjoy the moment and the current pleasures, like the sunrays dancing on your face.

Be in the here and now.

Likewise, the people we are surrounded with influence our own moods in a great way. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will likely also develop a bleak view of the world. Change it. There are no brownie points for putting up with negative or rude people. Ditch them immediately and move on to greener pastures. If they happen to be family – do the same.

There are no free rides, people need to live up to being in your inner circle.

There are also times when an external change is actually needed. In those cases, move on and let go. At times, that’s good and necessary, just don’t think that you will magically be a happier or better person if you don’t change any of your inner parameters and attitudes along with it.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Spiritual Balance – Week 32: Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

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First we have focused on developing healthy habits to lay a sustainable foundation to go through our days. Then we explored ways to be more effective at work in order to free up time. Let’s take both to good use and move on to exploring what really matters to you and then making time for those things – your purposes.

Put on your own oxygen mask first.

When you travel on any commercial airplane, you will need to go through the safety briefing before taking off. One of things that stuck with me was the advice to “put on your own oxygen mask first”.

It seems to go against our instincts initially. We want to help our kids or the elderly before we turn our attention to our own needs. However that is shortsighted. Even if we want to help others, we first need to take care of ourselves.

Let me repeat this – before we can help others we need to take care of ourselves first!

In the specific example for airlines, there is no use in putting on the oxygen mask on your first child and then passing out before you can help the second. You have to get yourself into a stable spot before you can help others in a sustainable way. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

The same is true for less dramatic settings. You need to get yourself into a good spot first, before you can have positive impact on your family, friends, community or society at large.

Get yourself a healthy basis, de-stress your work, find the things you really care about, explore your passion, purpose and spirituality, and allocate time and energy to it. Then help others and make this world a better place. This is what these tips, hacks, habits and suggestions are all about.

Put on your own oxygen mask first.

Most likely the most important piece of advice of all.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Be More Effective – Week 31: Bringing it All Together: Make a Plan to Calm the Monkey Mind

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In Zen our usual behavior is often referred to as the ‘monkey mind’. Our mind is constantly busy, jumping from one thing to another, never fully focusing on following through on any single priority. There is always another banana on the tree that grabs our attention.

Calm you monkey mind. Reduce distractions. Make a plan and go for it.

Our goal is to calm the monkey mind. To remove distractions from our workplace, relationships and life in general.

Our goal is to understand what’s important today, the next week, this year and in our life. We need to assess, prioritize and plan.

Our goals is to make time for those priorities and focus on them, without being distracted by the banana on the other tree.

Our goal is to empty your ‘to do list chasing mind’ and free it to concentrate on the work at hand.

This week is really about consciously bringing together all the pieces we discussed so far. Step back for a moment. Reflect on the things you practiced the last 30 weeks and make a plan on how you will bring them together.

Make a plan. Write it down. Commit to it.

Clear your mind, make a plan ahead. Stop your mind from wandering and worrying. However, also know that you won’t fully stick to it and don’t get frustrated if you don’t.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Be More Effective – Week 30: The Power of Routine and Rhythm

Preserve your willpower

We all have a certain amount of willpower available each day. Some days it’s more because we are energetic, we slept well or the sun is shining. Some days it’s less.

Regardless of what our level is, every decision requires a little bit of that energy and depletes our will power for the day. When our willpower goes down, our ability to stick with priorities and resolutions goes down with it. When our willpower is depleted, it’s harder to say ‘no’ to temptations and ‘yes’ to things that are good for us but require our conscious decisions and energy to get started.

That is why we drink alcohol after a challenging day, why we skip the gym in the evening if the day was stressful. The more our willpower is depleted, the less we can put in the way of not dropping on the couch, getting a bag of potato chips and a beer and watching TV.

Manage your willpower carefully. Don’t waste it for decisions that are not important. Create rhythms and stick to them.

Since our willpower is a limited resource, we need to manage and invest it carefully. We must not waste it for things that don’t matter but focus it on the ones that do. The more we can remove unnecessary decisions or avoidable annoyances, the more we will be able to get the things that matter done.

Simplify decisions

One powerful habit to avoid wasting your willpower is to remove decisions that don’t matter.

Here are some examples that don’t matter on a day-by-day basis:

  • When to get up in the morning – just do it the same time every day
  • What to eat for breakfast – you can celebrate that decision, but during the week, just stick to one thing (for me it’s an apple)
  • Where to find your office stuff, keys, etc – just get it ready the evening before
  • What to wear for work – I wear the same style every week, blue jeans, black long-sleeve shirt, sneakers; and I pack it on Sunday for the entire workweek
  • What to eat for lunch – again, make it fancy on the weekend or in the evening, make if effective for lunch; I get soup and salad every day; it’s healthy, gives me energy and isn’t so heavy that I get tired
  • Where to park – I park in the same spot every day; it’s higher up in the garage and I could be closer if I tried, but I waste zero energy finding a spot in the morning or wondering where my car is parked in the evening

I have many more things where I can go ‘on autopilot’ and still know I make the right decisions, but let’s leave it there. You get the idea. Find out where you spend energy deciding every day, make the right decision once, then repeat and leave it there.

Remove annoyances

Reduce or remove things that deplete your willpower, even if it might mean you need to change your routines a little bit. It pays off as the day goes along.

Here are some examples of things that annoy me and what I do about them:

  • Annoying traffic – move the times when you commute to avoid rush hour or take the bus; it’s better to get up an hour earlier than to be stuck in traffic for 30 mins
  • Distractions in the office – get good noise cancelling headphones, find a quiet place or work from home when you need to get things done
  • People that don’t give you energy or make you happy – ditch them; right now
  • Spam calls on your phone – put it on mute and don’t answer, you can always check your voice mail

Again, what is the list for you? What can you do to avoid those situations?

Decide ahead of time

On the important decisions it’s best to decide before your willpower goes down. If you want to go to the gym in the evening, decide the day before and then just execute. Don’t hope you will make good decisions after a long day at work.

Create rhythms and triggers for those decisions, so you don’t need to convince yourself every time. For example put your gym bag on the driver seat of your car, so you have to see it when you leave work and get triggered to go.

Don’t starve your willpower

Make healthy choices! Your brain needs glucose to fuel your willpower. When you’re low on glucose levels, your willpower will shut down first. After all, for basic survival, willpower was the most dispensable investment. Don’t think you’re affected by that? How good are you at staying away from junk food, when you are really hungry?

Stay hydrated, but also keep your glucose levels at a constant level. Eat some fruit at regular intervals. Don’t wait until you’re hungry.

There is power in rhythms and predictability. Build routines, build rhythms, and stick to them. Routines and rhythms give you structure, predictability and peace of mind.

Don’t wing it every single day, have a plan for what you want the day to look like. When you can, stick to that plan. Be flexible and adjust but start from a good framework.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Be More Effective – Week 29: Be There Fully, or Don’t Be There At All

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How often have you been in a meeting and didn’t really pay attention because you checked your email? Are you sitting at the dinner table with your loved ones and checking your phone? Are you working on a project and constantly see reminders popping up?

What a waste of time for your and the ones who are with you.

Be in the here and now. Be in the moment.

If you do something, do it fully. Don’t waste your time and energy by being there without being present. Be respectful to others and their time. If this is not your priority and not worth you full attention, be honest and don’t do it.

Don’t be in a meeting and do your email. In that case, it’s way better to not go to the meeting to begin with. Focus. Don’t waste your time with multi tasking, it doesn’t work.

Likewise, when you’re with your family and friends, be with THEM. Don’t check your Facebook or work email. You will regret not having focused on them when you look back a few years from now.

If you think something is not worth your time, attention and energy, please have the courage to openly say so and don’t come.

Experience your moments fully! Don’t waste other’s time.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Be More Effective – Week 28: Learn to Compartmentalize

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Do you know how CEOs, politicians, and leaders around the world keep all the balls in the air without going crazy? How they can fight fires all day without going crazy?

They learn to be really good at compartmentalizing.

Don’t multitask, compartmentalize. Focus on the task at hand, then fully put it away when you move on to the next topic. Really putting it away, locking it away is the key to compartmentalization.

Compartmentalizing is different from multi-tasking. If multi-tasking is the ugly villain, then compartmentalizing is the super hero.

Compartmentalizing means doing a thing at a time fully. Without distraction, but then putting it away when you move to the next task and priority, the next topic, your next employee or the next fire fight.

In order to focus on the topic at hand, you need to be able to put away everything else for the time being. Put it in their box, their compartment and don’t worry about them until you deal with that compartment the next time. Let go of thoughts and worries that want to spill over from your last topic and interaction.

It’s hard to have that mental discipline, but it is the only way to stay focused on the topic, across multiple areas. It’s also the only way to keep you sane.

Great leaders have perfected compartmentalization. They are able to have a challenging performance discussion with an employee, switch to a deep project discussion in the next meeting and then back to a team celebration. They don’t take baggage from previous interactions into the following ones.

Compartmentalization is not just for CEOs though. When you clean the house, don’t think about shopping, when you spend time for yourself, don’t worry about your to do list, when you work with your kids, don’t check you messages.

Don’t forget all those other priorities, just put them away for the moment to prevent them from cluttering your focus and thinking.

Force yourself to compartmentalize. Resist the urge to multitask. Multitasking spreads you thin, compartmentalizing helps you stay focused and effective across many different areas that you have to deal with during the course of the day.

Compartmentalizing requires discipline and practice but it keeps you sane.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.

Be More Effective – Week 27: Insist on Forward Momentum

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Few people like meetings. That’s not because we don’t like spending time with smart people, it’s because most meetings don’t really move things forward. Instead, very often they feel much more like energy and time drains. How often did you come out of meetings energized because you felt that you had made a big step forward and now have a clear path to success?

Many of the meetings we find in our daily business routines are what I would call ‘circular brainstormings’. Instead of moving forward on a given topic in subsequent meetings, we tend to revisit previous assumptions and decisions and fall back into discussions we had already closed in the meeting before. That leads us to needing another follow-up meeting to close out what we tried to accomplish in the first meeting, but failed because we needed to spend too much time on baselining (again).

We all lose a LOT of time in those meetings.

Circular brainstormings

Circular brainstormings happen when:

  • New attendees join the group and think they need to be caught up during the meeting at the expense of everyone else.
  • Attendees don’t remember what was discussed last time and need to re-invent definitions and previous decisions.
  • It’s unclear what the expected outcomes and deliverables of the meeting are, and the team tries to make them up on the fly.
  • Everyone just has too much fun brainstorming and not much desire to get to the point where concrete action items and follow-ups will get assigned.

Circular brainstormings happen if we as leaders don’t interject and force ‘forward momentum’. Groups have a tendency for circular brainstorming since it’s a lot of fun, only requires much easier ‘pie in the sky’ dreaming and high-level what-ifs, instead of concrete action plans and ownership. Most importantly, it doesn’t require commitment to action.

Forward momentum

As leaders we need to hold ourselves and our teams accountable to have meetings with ‘forward momentum’. And yes, I include myself, since unchecked, we all have the same tendencies.

A couple of things that help with ‘forward momentum’ are:

  1. Protecting the baseline – When we exit a meeting we made certain decisions and assumptions based on deep discussions. As we go into the follow-up meeting, we need to recap briefly and then fiercely protect that baseline. Unless there are earth-shattering new insights, we cannot re-open decisions, discussion, definitions that were previously locked. Forward momentum means building on what was established before, not starting all over again from scratch every single time. This also includes decisions that were made in other groups if the meeting is to further define details of a broader direction that was already set (if you were given a direction, don’t re-invent the strategy).
  2. Two minute rule – We need to hold attendees accountable to be informed what was discussed and decided before. If people are new, they can be caught up offline, but not at the cost of the group’s time. We cannot have 20 people in a room to educate one person. If a discussion gets sidetracked because someone missed previously discussed topics, that catch-up needs to be taken offline unless it can be resolved in 2 mins (an those 2 mins include follow-up questions).
  3. Know what success looks like – Every meeting needs to have an agenda. But every meeting also needs to have clearly defined outcomes (unless it’s an update meeting). What decisions will we have made at the end of the meeting? What artifacts will we have produced and shared at the end? Having those clearly defined outcomes can help to keep everyone on track and will keep the meeting owners accountable to maintain forward momentum.
  4. Lock the baseline for the next meeting – In order to protect the baseline in the next meeting (see above), you first need to establish that baseline. At the end of each brainstorming and decision meeting, we need to be clear and explicit as to what we have decided and assume that as facts and truths for following meetings. We need to be clear as to what is still ambiguous and needs further investigation. We need to make two steps forward every time, not two steps forward and one step back.

Try it out! Be courageous and drive the meetings you attend forward. If you cannot break the loop and the group insists on circular brainstorming, pack your stuff, leave and do something productive.

 


Did you like this article? Want to read more?

I will keep posting articles here and I have them lined up way into summer 2020. However if you want to get it all in one comprehensive, structured, and grammar-checked (!) view, check out our new book:

 

Put on your oxygen mask first - book cover

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

A practical guide to living healthier, happier and more successful in 52 weekly steps

By Alfons and Ulrike Staerk

ISBN 9781077278929

Find it on Amazon: Paperback, Kindle

 

If you like what you’re reading, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. If you don’t like it, please tell us what we can do better the next time. As self-published authors we don’t have the marketing power of big publishing houses. We rely on word of mouth endorsements through reader reviews.